what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
