I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
