If that was your dad, he is hot
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
