what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
