she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he was CRYING into my vagina
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
