Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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