the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
