I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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