Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
wrigley field is MILF paradise
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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