No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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