i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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