So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
