Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
