somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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