He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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