My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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