Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
