I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
