a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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