It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
