i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
