i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
