the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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