Umm I'm too high to move.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
