Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
