I wish i was in the wii world.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
