i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
