my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
