i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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