I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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