so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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