She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
