I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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