Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
