my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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