ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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