im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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