Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
