as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
