Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He passed out mid-signature
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
