I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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