Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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