I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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