well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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