You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
