??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
