Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
