thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
