Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
