Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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